The Art of Actually Listening: Why Most Managers Are Terrible at It (And How to Fix That)

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Here's something that'll make you uncomfortable: you probably think you're a good listener, but statistically speaking, you're not. I've been running communication workshops across Australia for seventeen years now, and I can spot a fake listener from across a crowded conference room in Sydney. They nod at all the right moments, maintain eye contact, and even throw in the occasional "I understand" – but they're mentally composing their grocery list or planning their weekend in Noosa.

Last month, I was facilitating a session for a mid-tier accounting firm in Melbourne (won't name names, but their coffee was exceptional), and the managing partner kept interrupting everyone. Not obviously – he was too polished for that. Instead, he'd wait for the tiniest pause and jump in with his own experience. Classic "conversation hijacking," and he had no idea he was doing it.

The Epidemic of Selective Hearing

The thing about listening is that most people confuse it with waiting for their turn to speak. Real listening – the kind that actually builds relationships and solves problems – requires you to shut up and focus entirely on understanding someone else's perspective. Revolutionary concept, I know.

I've noticed this particularly in retail environments. Walk into any JB Hi-Fi and you'll see staff members who genuinely listen to what customers are asking for before making recommendations. It's refreshing compared to those pushy electronics stores where salespeople launch into features lists before you've even finished your question.

But here's where it gets interesting. Listening skills training isn't just about being polite – it's about gathering intelligence. When you actually listen to your team members, customers, or suppliers, you pick up on information that your competitors miss entirely.

There's a difference between hearing and listening that most business schools completely botch in their curriculum.

Hearing is passive. You absorb sounds, process basic information, register that someone is speaking. Listening is active warfare against your own ego and assumptions.

The Three Levels of Listening (And Why Level Two Is Dangerous)

Level One is what I call "internal listening." You're focused entirely on your own thoughts, judgements, and responses. The other person might as well be speaking Mandarin because you're not absorbing anything meaningful. This is where most managers live during performance reviews.

Level Two is where it gets tricky. You're listening to the words and understanding the content, but you're filtering everything through your own experience and knowledge. This sounds productive, but it's actually where most communication breakdowns happen. You think you understand, but you're really just projecting your own assumptions onto someone else's reality.

Level Three is what separates exceptional leaders from everyone else. You're listening not just to words, but to emotions, underlying concerns, unspoken assumptions, and the gaps between what someone is saying and what they actually mean.

I learned this the hard way about eight years ago when one of my best team members handed in his resignation. I thought I'd been listening to his concerns about workload, but I was actually just hearing complaints and offering surface-level solutions. What he really needed was acknowledgement that the role had evolved beyond his comfort zone, and some honest conversation about career progression. By the time I figured this out, he'd already accepted another position.

The Mobile Phone Problem (And Other Modern Distractions)

Let's talk about the elephant in every meeting room: smartphones. I've seen senior executives check their phones mid-conversation and then have the audacity to ask someone to repeat what they just said. It's not just rude – it's expensive. When you're not fully present in conversations, you miss crucial details, misunderstand priorities, and make decisions based on incomplete information.

The solution isn't complicated, but it requires actual discipline. Phone goes face-down or better yet, in another room. Laptop stays closed unless you're actively taking notes. And if you absolutely must take notes, tell the other person what you're doing so they don't think you're checking emails.

Here's something that might surprise you: some of the best listeners I know are tradespeople. Electricians, plumbers, mechanics – they ask specific questions and wait for complete answers because getting it wrong costs time and money. There's no ego involved, just practical problem-solving.

Compare that to your average corporate meeting where everyone's performing their intelligence rather than actually gathering information.

The Questions That Change Everything

Most people ask terrible questions. They're either too vague ("How are things going?") or too leading ("Don't you think we should focus more on customer retention?"). Effective communication training teaches you to ask questions that actually uncover useful information.

The magic happens when you ask questions that make people think differently about their own situation. Instead of "What's your biggest challenge right now?" try "What's working well that you'd hate to lose?" Instead of "What do you need from me?" ask "What would need to change for this project to exceed your expectations?"

But here's the critical part – after you ask a good question, you need to shut up and wait for the answer. Comfortable silence is your friend. Most people will fill silence with additional information, clarifications, or the real answer they were initially hesitant to share.

I once had a client tell me their team communication was "generally pretty good" but after thirty seconds of silence, they admitted they were losing their best people because nobody felt heard in meetings. That pause revealed the actual problem we needed to solve.

The Productivity Paradox of Better Listening

Here's where some of you will disagree with me: spending more time listening actually makes you more productive, not less. I know it feels inefficient, especially when you're juggling multiple priorities and everyone wants immediate answers. But think about how much time you waste because of miscommunication, unclear instructions, and having to redo work that wasn't right the first time.

When you listen properly the first time, you get better information, make fewer assumptions, and avoid most of the back-and-forth that eats up everyone's day. Plus, people start bringing you the real problems instead of the surface-level complaints, which means you can actually fix things instead of just treating symptoms.

This is particularly important in customer service fundamentals, where listening to what customers aren't saying is often more valuable than responding to their explicit complaints.

What Nobody Tells You About Body Language

Everyone focuses on maintaining eye contact and nodding at appropriate moments, but real listening shows up in subtler ways. Your posture shifts toward the speaker. You naturally mirror their energy level. Your questions become more specific and relevant as the conversation progresses.

But here's what's interesting – when you're genuinely listening, your body language takes care of itself. You don't need to perform active listening; you just need to actually be interested in understanding the other person's perspective.

I've noticed that people can sense the difference between performed interest and genuine curiosity. Customers, employees, suppliers – they all respond differently when they feel actually heard rather than just processed.

The Melbourne Coffee Shop Test

There's a little test I do with clients. I call it the Melbourne coffee shop test because, let's face it, Melbourne has the best coffee culture in Australia, and if you can have a meaningful conversation over coffee there, you can probably communicate anywhere.

Next time you're having coffee with someone – colleague, friend, supplier, whoever – see if you can get through the entire conversation without relating their experience back to your own. No "That reminds me of when I..." or "Something similar happened to me..." Just focus entirely on understanding their perspective.

It's harder than you think. Most of us are so accustomed to finding connection points in shared experience that we forget how powerful it can be to simply witness someone else's reality without immediately making it about ourselves.

The Technology Trap

Video calls have made listening both easier and more difficult. Easier because you can see facial expressions and pick up on visual cues. More difficult because there's always something happening on your screen that's trying to grab your attention.

I've started treating video calls like in-person meetings. Close everything except the call window. Turn off notifications. Treat the conversation as if the person was sitting across from your desk, because in many ways, they are.

The interesting thing about remote work is that it's exposed how many people were never really listening in the first place. When you can't rely on physical presence and casual interactions to maintain relationships, your actual communication skills become much more important.

Why This Matters More Than Your Marketing Budget

Here's my controversial opinion: most businesses would get better results from improving their internal listening than from increasing their marketing spend. Better listening leads to better products, happier employees, fewer mistakes, and stronger customer relationships. But it's not as sexy as a new advertising campaign, so most companies ignore it.

The businesses that get this right – companies like Atlassian and Canva here in Australia – create environments where people feel heard and understood. That translates into lower turnover, higher productivity, and the kind of word-of-mouth marketing you can't buy.

Meanwhile, their competitors are spending fortune on customer acquisition while losing existing customers due to poor communication and unresolved problems that nobody really listened to in the first place.

Making This Actually Work

Look, reading about listening is like reading about swimming – you need to get in the water and practice. Start small. Pick one conversation today and focus entirely on understanding the other person's perspective. Don't plan your response, don't judge their approach, don't immediately offer solutions.

Just listen.

Tomorrow, try it again with someone else. See what information you pick up that you normally would have missed. Notice how people respond differently when they feel genuinely heard.

After a week of this, you'll start to understand why good listeners have such a significant advantage in business and in life. They simply know more about what's actually happening around them.

And in a world where everyone's talking and nobody's listening, that's a pretty powerful competitive advantage.